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Don't blame anyone when explaining divorce to the children

If you're getting divorced, there will come a time when you have to tell your kids about the decision. They're going to ask a lot of questions and it can be a difficult conversation.

During it, you may be tempted to blame someone or imply that it is someone's fault. Experts agree that this is not wise and you should avoid it if possible. Don't blame your spouse. Definitely don't blame the kids. Don't even blame yourself.

For one thing, you will probably be telling them with your spouse. If you put the blame on him or her, the whole conversation grows contentious and argumentive. It could devolve into little more than you and your spouse screaming at each other in front of the kids. That's not productive and it's very stressful for them.

Another reason to avoid blame is just to reduce the children's own anxiety. Remember, they are thinking about what this means for them. If they think the relationship is contentious, they're more likely to think it will lead to a negative outcome. If they think you and your spouse are still on good terms, they'll feel less anxious even if they don't want you to get divorced.

The key is to present the whole thing as something that both you and your spouse decided to do together because you think it will be best for the family. You don't have to tell them it is anyone's fault, no matter what sparked it.

As you move forward with the divorce, always remember to look into your legal options and keep the children's best interests in mind.

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