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After divorce, you may need to learn to let things go

This may be some hard advice for some people to take, as we like to be in full control of our lives. We value that. It's especially true if we have children. Doing everything in our power to help them becomes the No. 1 goal.

However, after divorce, you may have to learn to let some of that go.

Many parents struggle with the post-divorce setup because they have to share custody, and they do not like the way that their ex does things. He lets them stay up too late. She takes them out to eat all the time. They get to watch too many movies or play too many video games.

You set up rules as a parent, with your children's best interests in mind. You want your ex to follow those rules after divorce. After all, these are still your kids and having your ex ignore the rules can undermine what you're trying to teach the children.

It is important to try to get on the same page with your ex, if possible. Talk about your goals for the child custody arrangement and the parenting plan. Think about ways that the two of you can be terrific parents even after ending your marriage. See what you can agree on.

But, if you don't agree on everything, be prepared to let some of it go. Courts get involved in serious situations, such as safety risks and child abuse. But they're not likely to do anything about a parent who doesn't follow your preferred rules for daily life. And you can't control your ex.

The key is to talk about this up front. Find out what rights you have and what type of parenting plan the two of you can create so that everyone is happy.

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